Mushroom Slang Terminology

by David Campbell
Nuke
to get excited and trash a landscape in search of subterranean fungus buttons.
Probe
as above, only executed with gentle discretion.Recommended for those with respect for their relationship with the ecosystem.
Rake
a digressive form of nuking rudely and summarily practiced by some truffle hunters, the infamous sub-human boletivore trolls, and feral pigs.
Evidence
like "debris", though not always so obvious: divots in the leaf pack or earth, disturbed surfaces in likely spots, or darker and moist mulch in certain patches representing a recent overturning or exposure to the surface; or, a filled crater strewn with fresh pine needles, that when excavated reveals the trimmings from all those boletes I hauled out of here previously; or, a conspicuous intricate web of paths beneath a likely grove, perhaps betraying the fervor of some intriguing mycorrhizal shenanigans; or, short, hunkered persons carrying white buckets, occasionally woven baskets, proliferating in proximity of woods.
Mushrump
my favorite evidence, a mounding or swelling in the duff formed by the pending eruption of large fruiting fungus. Frequently confused with "Dudrumps", or "Dumprumps", mounds that contain other disappointing or disgusting objects, or nothing at all.
Car
spoken in anxious whisper, or even subdued yell, means hide yourself immediately, or mime any activity imaginable other than hunting for mushrooms. Favorites include "I'm a deer", wherein the performer holds a finger or two protruding from either side of the head and chews cud; the "Birder", a simple snap of the head and body from the hunched position to an erect observance of the sky and treetops, (binoculars are an excellent prop) ;and, especially good for men, the "Whizzer', who assumes the posture of conspicuously micturating while attempting to be innocuous.
Spot
anyplace where you have picked desirable mushrooms. Combined with "my" it represents a formidable possessive attitude.
Zone
a sequence or cluster of geographically associated "Spots". or, an area where you just know it's HAPPENING !
Snorkel
to find them where they ain't. Where the many have searched, this button's for you !
Duffbusters
arcane, loosely knit group of clandestine master "Snorklers", possessing a legendary mystique for their ungodly devastating impact on favorite hunting grounds...of dubious whereabouts and identity, although those who stake a claim to this nefarious status are surely impostors.
Grub
term used in presence of company whom you wish to impress with the delectability of your slightly invaded porcini dinner, as opposed to "worm" or "maggot', terms used when you'd just as soon your mooching friends take their leave.
Deer
long-legged ubiquitous boletivores of the rat family.
Mushroom season
a geographical consideration; it's always raining somewhere.
Unboletable
one of the great lies - "No more mushrooms for me!"
American permutations of "cep", French for Boletus edulis:
En-cep-alitis
heavy fever, usually ensuing at the very beginning of the rainy season. Seriously warps thought process of victim, behavior becomes agitated and erratic, eventually obsessive. Parallels symptoms of heavy drug addiction or religious fanaticism. Only know cure : profuse dousing with capture/devour therapy process, implementing the occasionally profuse fungus, Boletus edulis.
Ex-cep-tional
a very good year.
Ex-cep-tion
the removal of one, or where it used to be.
Ceptember
when the season starts a bit early around here.
Ceptimber
the woods where they grow.
Ceptimbre
the sound produced by finger-thwacking the stipe of an exquisitely taut button.
'Trellside Strangler
fungicidal maniac who took all the chantrelles 'cuz he got there first.